We
must stop this sinister plot
Have you ever noticed that as the years go by, everything seems uphill from
where you are? Stairs are steeper, groceries are heavier, and everything is
farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was horrified to discover
how long our street had become! I never noticed when I was younger that it's
been changing!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.
They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just
keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until
they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also have a feeling that these people are much younger than I was at the
same age. On the other hand, something has been making people who used to be
my own age so much older than I am.
I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she
didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was
combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own
refection... and I noticed that even mirrors are not made the way they used to
be!
Clothing manufacturers are part of the conspiracy too! Why else would they
suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no
one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs,
and bosom?
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb
if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say
is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and
swerve in my rear view mirror.
The people who make bathroom scales are in on it as well. Do they think I
actually believe the number I see on that dial? Hah! I would never let myself
weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on - but
the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone
books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless
something drastic happens, pretty soon *everyone* will have to suffer these
awful indignities.
P.S.: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has
caused fonts to be smaller than they once were, too!
Author Unknown
Counter added August 20-08
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